I apologize for being so distant from the internet. It's been a very long few months and honestly, updating hasn't been #1 in my world. I've barely had the time or the energy to check my email let alone do much else.

As you guys know, I was in New Mexico - working on the border to investigate crimes we suspect are happening against women by the cartels and the immigration services on both sides. A few months ago, I was injured in a car bombing. Only broken bones, but shortly after returning to New York to recuperate, I contracted pneumonia. Really, it's been one thing after another, but it allowed for Olivia and I to really talk again. That's been wonderful.

Fully recovered, I'm still not sure where my path is going to take me. The other day, Munch actually stopped by to talk to me about something, a side project he's working on that actually sounds interesting to me. So ... we'll see.

But I'm all right, and I won't take too much time between posts again.

I hope you're all doing well.

My time at The Hague was temporary. It was a sad but true reality of my assignment there - they were waiting for one of the lawyers to come back from Africa and take over the case. I was filling in, taking notes and writing briefs. I want to go to Africa, but the understanding of what is happening right here in this country keeps me from complaining.

I met with Sydney and the AUSA on Thursday. I can't reveal much of what we talked about. We did talk at length about the rape and torture of women along the US/Mexico border and the lack of action toward the crisis Native American women are facing on the reservations. That, after all, is my next assignment.

But it's the technicalities of this next assignment that had the AUSA in my boss' office. As many people know, I was in witness protection following a case involving a Colombian drug dealer. Apparently ... anyway. Let's just say that my assignment down there is going to be interesting and there's only so much I can discuss. Not so much for my safety but for the safety of others involved. But I am livid.

I was released from protection against the will of the AUSA. But, when I was released, they never told me about threats that remained. They just let me go. Technically, I could have opted out at any time, but I'm not an idiot. I like living. When they released me, I thought it was too good to be true. Apparently, it was.

I'm not in any imminent danger, so don't worry about that. But to sit in an office and be told that a) my life is still under the watchful eye of the feds and b) I can't choose the assignments I want to because of mistakes made by the justice department ...

Honestly, I feel like I'm waking up in that hospital room all over again. Interestingly enough, this makes me want to really work on the memoir about my time in witsec.

Anyway, I have work to do. I leave for my next assignment on Wednesday.

Back in New York since late, late, late Monday night. I've been working at home yesterday and today and hit the office again tomorrow. I have a meeting with Sydney and she doesn't sound happy.

Other than that ... well ... yeah. Let's just say it's been very nice to see Olivia.

I'll give a real update soon.

It's been a long, long day of travel and of course, it's 6 in the morning and I've barely slept. Luckily I have today to get settled. I'll take a quick nap and then settle into Dutch time.

My apartment is wonderful, I have to give it that.

( Thoroughly modern, despite the older looking facade on the building. )

Sitting at Dulles, waiting for my flight. Next stop, the little apartment set up for me so I can set my stuff down, and then three to six weeks at The Hague, participating in meetings. Then, back to the states and down to New Mexico to start work on a case that's been handed to me. It's one of the first times this task force is trying to investigate a case on US soil. Needless to say, the US is resisting. Tough cookies, as my grandmother would say.

See you guys on the other side ...

My first case remains the same but instead of heading back to the UN for the training that was set up there, I'm being sent to the ICC itself. There are some discussions popping up there that my boss wants me to be a part of. So, Saturday, instead of hopping on a plane back to New York, I'm on a plane to The Hague. I knew this would be a part of this position, but I didn't realize it would come so soon. From there I'll head to New Mexico and hook up with the team down there.

Again, let me thank God for giving me the world's most supportive partner.

I graduated with honors, so don't take my subject the wrong way. But I am sitting in my hotel room, surrounded by briefing memos about what is happening in Tibet, and Bon Jovi is helping me through it. He's as cheesy today as he was when we were up all night arguing the finer points of what was then the infancy of international law. I also had a tendency to let myself get distracted by the beautiful women in my study group then ... now it's only one beautiful woman, who left on the red eye back to New York last night. It was a very needed weekend.

One more week of training. We've all been handed our first case files. Mine is, as I expected, dealing with a case down in New Mexico, right along the border. I'm looking forward to going home, even if it's for just a few weeks. It's hit me just how little I'm going to be seeing my bed over the next little bit.

Sydney came to me this morning. There's been a break in Ali's case. I can't say much more than that, but she isn't the only one this agent attacked ...

I may have a permanent job, if I want it. I think. I'll know more after we get through next week and the rotation at the UN. I sat down one on one with my new boss and she had some interesting things to offer me. It isn't quite the path I was planning, but it's an option.

I'm being cryptic for a reason and I'll explain more later, once I'm sure the offer is definite...

We're done for the week and I'm exhausted and still have briefing memos. Yes, I'm back in law school. Olivia arrives in the morning. Thank god.

The hardest part of long distance relationships is not being there when your partner needs someones arms around her. Especially when all she wants is comfort, not advice.

Olivia called last night, just in tears. She's working a case right now that involves a woman with a disability who has been raped. Sadly, this is nothing new. I could fill pages about the rates of sexual assault for women (and men) with disabilities. We were talking and it came out that this woman used to be completely independent and now, for as independent as she used to be, she is completely dependent on family - family who has hurt her. She didn't say it at first, but I could hear her own fears. Olivia is terrified that she's going to end up in that position someday. She rarely fishes for reassurance, especially with our relationship, but last night the hook was out and I took it. What was I going to say - that if anything ever happened I wouldn't be there for her?

But it isn't that easy. Happily Ever After only happens in fairy tales and anyone who says any differently is selling something. Don't swallow it. I'm not saying all relationships are doomed to fail, I'm saying that you never know what is going to happen. I am doing dangerous work right now and every time Olivia goes out to interview a suspect or arrest someone, she is putting herself right in the line of fire. It hasn't even been a year since the perp in the last child porn ring we broke open attacked her, puncturing her lung and breaking an ankle.

In marriage, we take vows for a reason. We promise to stand by each other, but it is to the best of our ability. We make a promise to become a team, understanding that anything can happen at any time and we support each other through those "anythings." That includes job choices. I can't tell Olivia to stop being a cop any more than she can ask me to not do what I'm doing with this task force. It isn't fair.

It doesn't stop us from worrying.

My fears are those of any cop's wife (and we aren't even married.) And her fears are only natural. Last night, after her tears stopped and we'd moved on to other topics, she told me how worried she was about my own career choices. When I asked her if either of us would be truly happy sitting around doing nothing, she changed the subject. (She hates it when I'm right.)

Speaking of the new job, I've spent the last few days drowning in briefing memos and writing mock briefs on international law. It's amazing how easy it is for American lawyers to place our constitutional codes into another country's law. But I can now say this with definite conviction: The United States has no right, at all, to lecture the rest of the world on human rights, treatment of women, and treatment of other specific minorities. My patience is thinning with the political structure that allows us to believe we are better than the rest of the world. It's something I already knew, but even since Monday, I've realized I knew nothing.

I have to get back to the training session. But before I do, I give you your information stat of the day: Women and Violence.

My flight was late leaving New York, but I still managed to get to the training rooms on time. I was handed six binders that weight more than Olivia, each. I expected to spend the day drowning in statistics. Instead, sitting there with six other eager young lawyers, I was shown picture after picture of the truth of what is happening around the world. Then we talked about our stories, very bluntly, and talked about what brought us to this taskforce. And then, the trainer looked into our eyes and told us something that still sends chills up my spine:

If you're here because you want to do your good deed for the year, join the DA's office or go work for Legal Aid. You need to be here because this is about who you are and where you need to be. You are about to go toe-to-toe with people who think nothing of killing women and children and sending them to their mothers in pieces. Laws don't frighten them. When you are in Africa and Afghanistan and Arizona you are a target. Accept this. But more than that, make sure your families have accepted this.

One of the women left. I don't blame her. I almost did. Instead I went up to my room and called Olivia. We talked and she calmed my nerves. I cried. She's taking the weekend and coming down to see me, which makes me feel a little bit better.

Two more weeks of real statistics starting after dinner. I'm in law school again - those of us who are left are a study group, taking on individual cases and binders. So I'm going to grab something and settle in.